My second ceremony was very difficult. I was being careful and cautious. In my first ever ceremony, I took very little of the sacred medicine. In this second one, I only took a little more. But it was intense, uncomfortable, and very hard.
I had started with a prayer for healing of the depression, anxiety, etc. The first ceremony had taken all of my symptoms away. However, I didn’t want those to ever come back. Also, I felt like I needed deeper healing. I want to be fully healed so that I can live the kind of life that I was born for. I don’t want depression and mental fatigue keeping me back. Those were my prayers.
When the sacred medicine took effect, the physical symptoms were very uncomfortable- waves of nausea (more intense than the first ceremony), the feeling of pressure on my body, and feeling like I could not get comfortable. It’s hard to describe. I laid down, and often curled up. But no matter how I positioned my body, I was uncomfortable.
The visions were intense. I kept my eyes closed for almost all of the time, because I wanted the medicine to do inner work on me. But I did open my eyes for a short time, once in a while (out of curiosity mostly). At one point, I could see the outside world, but there was a “plaid” pattern over everything. Though, one time I opened my eyes because I sensed a presence, and saw other people in the room. I reminded myself that I was in the room alone. I noticed in particular a little boy. I said to myself, “The little boy is me.” Then the medicine took me through my past, starting at that point in my life. It showed me difficult things that I had experienced. The memories were very realistic. It was like I was there again, basically. I knew that I was in that room, but in my mind I could see the memories very realistically. It was like being there. But the difficult memories didn’t bother me. Previously, thinking about those past experiences caused me emotional pain. But in the ceremony, they didn’t. I’m thinking that the medicine transferred that emotional pain to my physical discomfort (for that short time during the ceremony) and then got rid of them. Sitting here now, typing this, I feel free. It’s wonderful.
I also remember with eyes closed seeing geometric patterns that would briefly turn into faces. Then I was being led down a labyrinth of passages. The walls were ever changing geometric shapes. I was taken into a different world. This shows me the infinite possibilities of life. I don’t have to be stuck in one place, or chained up by depression. I can follow God to a wonderful place. God will do amazing things, if I am willing to follow.
Sometimes I felt like somebody else. Again, I’m not stuck. If I don’t like something about myself, then I can ask God to change me.
So, yes, this was very difficult. But I was never scared. It was just intense and uncomfortable. I don’t think I’d want to experience the same thing right away. I’m comfortable now. Mentally and emotionally, I feel very good. My body seems to be re-learning things and I want to go slow. I don’t know how to describe it. I’m moving kind of slowly because I feel like I have to re-learn how to do things. However, I am doing more than I was when I was depressed. I have decided to be patient with myself, and give myself time to heal. I am already feeling a lot better. Now I have to learn the new way of life.
I will have to pray about the sacred medicine and it’s role in my continued healing. I have a feeling that it’s not done with me. I will have to seek the Creator’s will.
Doug August 5, 2026